Ed Parnell's Cunning Plan

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Archive for August 4th, 2011

BBC News – Mars: Nasa images show signs of flowing water

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Scientists see dark ‘tendrils’, signs of flowing water, emerge from rocky Martian outcrops

Striking new images from the mountains of Mars may be the best evidence yet of flowing, liquid water, an essential ingredient for life.

The findings, reported today in the journal Science, come from a joint US-Swiss study.

A sequence of images from the Mars Reconnaissance Orbiter show many long, dark “tendrils” a few metres wide.

They emerge between rocky outcrops and flow hundreds of metres down steep slopes towards the plains below.

They appear on hillsides warmed by the summer sun, flow around obstacles and sometimes split or merge, but when winter returns, the tendrils fade away.

via BBC News – Mars: Nasa images show signs of flowing water.

Written by edparnell

August 4, 2011 at 9:20 pm

Posted in Science, Space

Police hunt for ‘Remorseful Robber’ | New Hampshire NEWS03

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PLAISTOW — Police are on the hunt for an apologetic thief who was so remorseful after stealing a woman’s purse that he returned its contents — along with an extra $10 and a lengthy apology letter.

Police said the thief, dubbed the “Remorseful Robber,” had a change of heart after his thievery made headlines.

The thief reportedly stole the purse July 18 at the Plaistow Market Basket. The victim told police that her purse was taken from the seat of her shopping cart. The purse was later found in another shopping cart under toilet paper, but the woman’s wallet containing $90 and her GPS were missing, Deputy Police Chief Kathleen Jones said.

via Police hunt for ‘Remorseful Robber’ | New Hampshire NEWS03.

Written by edparnell

August 4, 2011 at 9:19 pm

Drunken Ben Bernanke Tells Everyone At Neighborhood Bar How Screwed U.S. Economy Really Is | The Onion – America’s Finest News Source

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SEWARD, NE—Claiming he wasn’t afraid to let everyone in attendance know about “the real mess we’re in,” Federal Reserve chairman Ben Bernanke reportedly got drunk Tuesday and told everyone at Elwood’s Corner Tavern about how absolutely fucked the U.S. economy actually is.

 

Bernanke, who sources confirmed was “totally sloshed,” arrived at the drinking establishment at approximately 5:30 p.m., ensconced himself upon a bar stool, and consumed several bottles of Miller High Life and a half-dozen shots of whiskey while loudly proclaiming to any patron who would listen that the economic outlook was “pretty goddamned awful if you want the God’s honest truth.”

“Look, they don’t want anyone except for the Washington, D.C. bigwigs to know how bad shit really is,” said Bernanke, slurring his words as he spoke. “Mounting debt exacerbated—and not relieved—by unchecked consumption, spiraling interest rates, and the grim realities of an inevitable worldwide energy crisis are projected to leave our entire economy in the shitter for, like, a generation, man, I’m telling you.”

via Drunken Ben Bernanke Tells Everyone At Neighborhood Bar How Screwed U.S. Economy Really Is | The Onion – America’s Finest News Source.

Written by edparnell

August 4, 2011 at 10:45 am

Posted in Funny, Satire

Fox News Compares Helping Battered Women To Getting a Manicure | Addicting Info

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In a move that surprised exactly no one, Fox News has launched a shrill protest against the Obama administrations’ decision to have health insurance companies provide counseling for abused women with no co-pays (among several other benefits for women).

While it has always been clear that reason and compassion are not Fox’s strong points, one would hope that battered women would be a subject they might tread lightly around. Then I remembered that, on Fox, a rape/murder is the fault of the victim for dressing sexy.

Whatever was I thinking?

From Family PAC Federal Vice President Sandy Rios on Fox:

“Is the White House out of their mind? Does the West Wing not know what the left wing is doing? We’re $14 trillion in debt and now we’re going to cover birth control, breast pumps, counseling for abuse? Are we going to do pedicures and manicures as well?”

Ah. I see. Getting help for battered women is just as frivolous as pedicures. Perhaps they should just accept their lot in life and get back in the kitchen and cover up that black eye like a good, submissive woman should? I would pay good, hard money to see this parasite walk up to a woman that received the help she needed and tell this survivor that she didn’t deserve it. How do you think that would go?

As for Sandy’s ingenious math, perhaps she can explain how a couple of hundred of dollars worth of birth control cost taxpayers more than years of WIC and Medicare for women that can’t afford an unwanted pregnancy? And before some genius social conservative demands that unmarried women shouldn’t have sex anyway, what about the married women who can’t afford children? Should they be denied birth control as well? They’re married so they can have allll the sex they want, right? What if they don’t want kids? What’s that? Sex should be for making babies only? That sounds suspiciously like a religious argument. You know who else wants to regulate all consensual sex and use religion as the final authority on governmental policy? Muslim extremists and Christian extremists.

via Fox News Compares Helping Battered Women To Getting a Manicure | Addicting Info.

Written by edparnell

August 4, 2011 at 10:27 am

Posted in Crime, Disgusting, Dumb

Randi Zuckerberg Leaves Facebook, Starts Own Company

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Facebook Director of Marketing Randi Zuckerberg, the sister of founder Mark Zuckerberg, has decided to leave Facebook to start her own company.

Zuckerberg’s new company, RtoZ Media, will focus on helping companies become more social. “My goal is to launch my own innovative programming and work with media companies to develop their programming in new, and more social ways,” Zuckerberg said in her resignation letter.

The former Facebook marketing director will draw from her experiences developing the company’s marketing strategy and its popular live video channel, Facebook Live. She was recently nominated for an Emmy for her work with Facebook Live. (Mashable recently teamed up with Facebook Live for its SXSW coverage.)

In a phone call with Mashable, Zuckerberg said that she thinks of the move as a “natural extension” and had been considering the move “for a really long time.” With the success of Facebook Live and the Facebook-Obama town hall, she saw an opportunity to start her own company.

“I had the momentum to do it now,” she said.

via Randi Zuckerberg Leaves Facebook, Starts Own Company.

Written by edparnell

August 4, 2011 at 10:03 am

Posted in Business, Interesting

Man Arrested After Trying to Split Atoms at Home

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A man from Sweden was arrested after it was discovered he was trying to split atoms and build a nuclear reactor in his kitchen, blogging about the experiment the whole time.

Richard Handl kept radioactive elements radium, americium and uranium in his apartment, but he was arrested only after he had sent a question to Sweden’s Radiation Authority, asking whether what’s he doing is legal.

“I wanted to see if it’s possible to split atoms at home”, Handl said. While it may be possible, it certainly is not legal under Sweden’s law, and Handl may be looking at two years in prison.

via Man Arrested After Trying to Split Atoms at Home.

Written by edparnell

August 4, 2011 at 10:02 am

Posted in Dumb, Science

No Comment: Angry Birds in convenient bra form | TUAW – The Unofficial Apple Weblog

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From Etsy seller SceeneShoes comes the custom brassiere pictured above, which Technabob has dubbed “Angry Boobs.” Featuring the red bird and a pig from Angry Birds, giving this US$35 creation as a gift will probably inspire either laughter or thrown objects, depending on how good a sport your significant other is.

 

The bra is available in sizes from 34A to 38DD; if you ask me, SceeneShoes missed an opportunity by not using different birds for different cup sizes. And now the next time I see my wife I’m going to be hearing a high-pitched “Wheeeeee!” in my head, so thanks for that, SceeneShoes.

via No Comment: Angry Birds in convenient bra form | TUAW – The Unofficial Apple Weblog.

Written by edparnell

August 4, 2011 at 10:00 am

Posted in Fail, Products

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