Archive for the ‘sure’ Category
Reports about the traces of the legendary Noah’s Ark appear in the media on a regular basis. The majority of such messages say that there is a mysterious object resting on top of Ararat Mount. The object could be the ancient vessel, on which Noah rescued animals from the Great Flood.
Here is what the Bible says about the events, which took place in 2500 BC: “So God said to Noah, “I am going to put an end to all people, for the earth is filled with violence because of them. I am surely going to destroy both them and the earth. Make yourself an ark of gopher wood. Make rooms in the ark, and cover it inside and out with pitch. This is how you are to make it: the length of the ark 300 cubits, its breadth 50 cubits, and its height 30 cubits. For behold, I will bring a flood of waters upon the earth to destroy all flesh in which is the breath of life under heaven. Everything that is on the earth shall die. But I will establish my covenant with you, and you shall come into the ark, you, your sons, your wife, and your sons’ wives with you. And of every living thing of all flesh, you shall bring two of every sort into the ark to keep them alive with you. They shall be male and female.”
As the Great Flood began, the boat was going higher and higher above the earth until it reached the top of the highest mountain. The flood continued for 40 days and 40 nights and then stopped. The boat continued to rest on top of Ararat Mount.
A would-be saboteur arrested today at the Large Hadron Collider in Switzerland made the bizarre claim that he was from the future. Eloi Cole, a strangely dressed young man, said that he had travelled back in time to prevent the LHC from destroying the world.The LHC successfully collided particles at record force earlier this week, a milestone Mr Cole was attempting to disrupt by stopping supplies of Mountain Dew to the experiment’s vending machines. He also claimed responsibility for the infamous baguette sabotage in November last year.Mr Cole was seized by Swiss police after CERN security guards spotted him rooting around in bins. He explained that he was looking for fuel for his ‘time machine power unit’, a device that resembled a kitchen blender.Police said Mr Cole, who was wearing a bow tie and rather too much tweed for his age, would not reveal his country of origin. “Countries do not exist where I am from. The discovery of the Higgs boson led to limitless power, the elimination of poverty and Kit-Kats for everyone. It is a communist chocolate hellhole and I’m here to stop it ever happening.”This isn’t the first time time-travel has been blamed for mishaps at the LHC. Last year, the Japanese physicist Masao Ninomiya and Danish string-theory pioneer Holger Bech Nielsen put forward the hypothesis that the Higgs boson was so “abhorrent” that it somehow caused a ripple in time that prevented its own discovery.Professor Brian Cox, a CERN physicist and full-time rock’n'roll TV scientist, was sympathetic to Mr Cole. “Bless him, he sounds harmless enough. At least he didn’t mention bloody black holes.”
CUPERTINO, CA—Apple’s newest product, the iCrockpot, will be available in late December to limited stores in Minnesota, Wisconsin, and Alberta, for beta testing. CEO Tim Cook announced the new release to a crowd of seven people at Apple headquarters yesterday.
“It’s a bittersweet moment, to be introducing a new product without Steve [Jobs] here to see it,” said Cook. “But we know the work we’re doing here today is carrying his legacy into tomorrow.”
“Even though it seems like he took all the good ideas with him,” Cook added.
According to a press release on Apple’s website, the iCrockpot will enable users to slow-cook meaty stews and other dishes without having to pay much attention to the food as it cooks.
“You can basically just dump in your ingredients, and flip the start switch,” said Cook. “Five hours later, ta-da. Your pot roast, or whatever, is ready.”
“Perhaps the most exciting feature is the iCrockpot’s compatibility with the iPhone. Using your iPhone, you can browse the internet for iCrockpot recipes. Also, you can use your iPhone’s built-in ‘timer’ to remind yourself when your iCrockpot food is done cooking.”
Harold Camping lets out a hearty chuckle when he considers the people who believe the world will end in 2012.
“That date has not one stitch of biblical authority,” Camping says from the Oakland office where he runs Family Radio, an evangelical station that reaches listeners around the world. “It’s like a fairy tale.”
The real date for the end of times, he says, is in 2011.
The Mayans and the recent Hollywood movie “2012″ have put the apocalypse in the popular mind this year, but Camping has been at this business for a long time. And while Armageddon is pop science or big-screen entertainment to many, Camping has followers from the Bay Area to China.
Camping, 88, has scrutinized the Bible for almost 70 years and says he has developed a mathematical system to interpret prophecies hidden within the Good Book. One night a few years ago, Camping, a civil engineer by trade, crunched the numbers and was stunned at what he’d found: The world will end May 21, 2011