The Hater’s Guide To The Williams-Sonoma Catalog
I bought a Williams-Sonoma cheese grater for my mom for Christmas once because I had no idea what to get her and I was in a mall and there the grater was, just large enough to take up space under the tree and just cheap enough to let her know that I put NO thought or care into buying a gift for her. Anyway, I paid for this grater with a credit card. And when a place like Williams-Sonoma gets your credit card and thus your address, you are on the mailing list for life. Every holiday season, my mail slot gets bukkake’d with monstrous catalogs packed with shit I would never, ever buy, and the W-S catalog stands out among them.
While certain retailers like Hammacher Schlemmer are almost intentionally ludicrous (“Buy this personal hovercraft for $80,000!”), there’s no wink to be found in a Williams-Sonoma catalog. The people at W-S aren’t the least bit self-conscious about getting you to pay $35 for mailed gravy. So I thought I would go through this holiday season’s catalog, which has spent a solid week atop my shitter, and point out some of the more ridiculous items. Because there are people out there who buy this shit. The question is … who? And why? Let’s try to figure that out now.